


Handle with Cuddles

by jjeess001



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Comforting Castiel, Crying Dean, Cuddles, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester Prays to Castiel, Depressed Dean Winchester, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, One Shot, POV Castiel, POV Dean Winchester, Suicidal Thoughts, wow this sounds really angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 14:35:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7896412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjeess001/pseuds/jjeess001
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's not feeling so hot after a emotionally hard hunt, but Cas is always going to be there for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Handle with Cuddles

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my second fanfic, and it isn't as fluffy as my first one. I always thought there were scenes we didn't see on camera about Dean's depression. And I don't think you could tell me he ISN'T depressed... I mean, we all know that Dean has some serious self-esteem issues. So this fic came to life! This is going to be my last one-shot before a new fic I'm writing is going to be posted. It is multi-chapter but I don't have a solid plot/idea yet. I love Dean-angst so there's definitely going to be a lot of that in my new fic. Do you guys have any ideas? What do people usually like to read?  
> Well anyways, I hope you enjoy this!

He hated when he got like this. His limbs felt numb, his heart beating too slowly, and his brain shutting down. His palms would some how end up sweaty and everywhere he looked had a dark shade looming over top of it. He never wanted to get out of the shitty motel bed he was sleeping in and just wanted to be left alone for the next decade or two. 

He knew that these were signs that something was wrong with his mental state. He didn't want to acknowledge the deep pit in his soul that made every day hard to wake up to. He didn't want to notice that everybody else noticed his 'I-hate-myself' vibe he gave off everywhere he went. He didn't want to know about his depression. What he did want to do is avoid it, just like he avoided everything that scared him. 

But today was one of the days that he just couldn't handle with a fake smile and sarcastic remarks. Today was one of the days where even his brother couldn't get him out of the motel room. He turned off all the lights and just hid in the bed covers (still fully dressed in the clothes he had on the day before). 

"Come on, Dean!" Sam tried, but failed, to sound uplifting, "Let's go get pie or something to celebrate." Dean scoffed. 

They just finished a brutal hunt with a really pissed off spirit that went after little kids. Apparently someone killed their kid in the past, and the spirit was now jealous of anyone that got to have their own child. The spirit was violent and just fucked up on a new kid of level. Sure, they salt and burned the bitch and saved a few kids, but not all of them. Maybe that was why Dean's mood was worse than usual. While Sam was finding where the spirit was buried, Dean had to watch a poor kid get slaughtered. The kid reminded him a lot of Sammy. 

"Not hungry," was Dean's only response. Yeah, something was definitely wrong with him. He was always hungry for pie, even if his appetite was nearly existent. 

"Dean. Come on, man. Please?" Sam didn't know how to deal with Dean's emotions since he didn't even know what was going on in his brother's head. He was usually good at all the 'feely-touchy-yoga-shit', as Dean calls it. But when that skill was actually needed? He didn't have two clues what to do. 

"Just leave me alone," Dean mumbled, and turned so his back was now facing Sam. He heard Sam grumble something about how he was impossible, and heard the motel room door close. 

He was alone. 

 

* * *

 

 

Dean didn't know, but Cas heard everything that Dean prayed to him (even if it was unconscious). Dean often prayed to Castiel when he needed help with a hunt or something along those lines. But he also prayed to him when he was crying silently or when he was feeling so down that it scared Cas. 

 _God, Cas..._ Cas started to hear the beginning of a prayer from Dean. This one sounded like Dean thought he was only talking to himself, but that obviously wasn't true. It was a prayer, through and through, so Cas heard it.  _Why am I such a fuck up? Can you explain it to me? The kid died in front of me, man. You should've seen the way he looked at me. He was begging me to save him, but I couldn't do anything but sit there. I should've did something. A kid, man! He had a future! Why did I get to live when a good person dies?_

It was painful to hear Dean's prayer, like it usually was. One time, Dean was saying about how much he wanted to die and how much it would be better for Sam if he was never there. Cas was so close to going to Dean and holding him in a tight embrace. But that would only embarrass the hunter. So he didn't do anything. 

But as this prayer kept on going and going, it got worse. Dean started to ramble and some of the things that he probably didn't want Cas to hear started to come up. 

_I hate myself, you know? Was never good enough for my dad, let alone the whole fucking world. Not good enough for you either, Cas. Or Sammy. Or anybody. I fail everybody. Bet it'd be easier if I wasn't here, you know? Fuck. It'd be easy. Just pretend I fucked up on a hunt, and let the monster get me. It'd be easy. Ha. Fuck. Dying that way is sort of ironic, ain't it? Cas... You're the only one who makes it okay. Chick-flicky, I know. I know. Fuck, I know I sound like a girl. Just the way you're always there, you always seem to know how to make me laugh... Shit, I don't deserve you._

That was it. Cas popped in to the motel that Dean was in, and saw Dean trembling in the bed. He was crying. 

"Dean," Cas said. 

That made Dean whip his head towards the new guest in the room. He quickly wiped at his face, "What the fuck, Cas? What are you doing here?" His voice sounded angry, but Cas knew it was only because he was embarrassed. 

Maybe it wasn't the best move, but it was too late now. If he was going to try and comfort Dean, he was going to do it as best as he could. 

Cas didn't say anything as he walked over to the edge of the bed. He still didn't say anything as he climbed into the bed with Dean. 

To Cas' surprise, Dean also kept his mouth shut. Even when Cas put his arms around the hunter and brought him close to his chest. 

"You are an amazing person, Dean. Please, please don't ever think differently." Cas knew that his words would probably go through one ear and out the other for Dean, but he still felt like the words calmed Dean a bit when he relaxed in his arms. 

Cas unconsciously started stroking Dean's short blonde hair as they both just enjoyed each other's touch. 

"Dean," Cas said after a little while, "If died, I wouldn't be able to live anymore. This life would be dark and dim without you." Cas knew that would be a dead give away of him hearing Dean. 

Dean flinched. "What?" 

"Your prayer. I want you to know that you are more than good enough for me. For everybody. You're a gift to the world." 

And with those words, Dean started crying into Cas' shirt. He could feel the tears start to wet his skin, but he didn't care at all. Dean needed comfort, from Cas and Cas only, and he would be willing to give it as long as Dean allowed him. 

They laid in that bed together for what felt like hours. It was only when Dean's cries started to grow quieter that Cas decided he would talk again. He felt that there were certain words that would make Dean understand how much he was needed in Cas' life that have been bouncing in his head for years now. Maybe now was the time to tell his secret feelings. 

He kissed the top of Dean's head. "We all need you, Dean Winchester. I need you. I love you, Dean."

Dean's breath hitched. And even though his voice was muffled by Cas' shirt, he could've sworn he heard Dean say, "I love you, too, Cas." 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a kudo or a review? Your guy's reviews light up my day and I'd really appreciate it! :)


End file.
